Beware False Advertising

Before I was adopted by the owner, I spent two weeks at a foster home nursing a chest cold. Actually, I was just faking because I grew sick of the chow at the Humane Society.

Anyways, the foster care family was nice enough to write the following disinfo about me.

"This is Lucas (aka Pinky). Lucais is a very nice boy. He likes to explore spaces like cupboards, and he likes to play witht things that hang down."

First off, no one calls me a cuddly nom de guerre like Pinky! Look at me, I'm a crazed killer! And I would like to sue these folks for libel for calling me a "very nice boy." Bold-faced lies!

General Naughtiness, continued

It's been an unproductive few months... There's a lot of people out there who need a good scratching, and I'm unable to gain access to them. I've done the best I can.

I bit Meow Cow on her kiester, so now she has a big hairless spot on her rotundity. It healed up pretty well, unfortunately. Usually she runs away when I attack, but sometimes she gets the nerve to fight back. Try getting body-slammed by the feline version of Boss Hog. It really humbles a fellow.

The owner's hands remain a constant mess of scratches and cuts in various stages of healing. His boss asked him the other day if he's a cutter. Heck no, I am! Lucas Tukus! Don't take credit for my hard work!

I've mostly destroyed the box mattress on his bed, and am working diligently on the leather couch.

Sometimes I fear I'm slowing down already. The other night I cuddled with the owner. He thought that meant I was being all lovey-dovey and it was okay to pet me, but I quickly disavowed him of that idea with my razor-sharp claws! I was just cold.

People are so quick to assume Lucas Tukus is selling out!