In the last month I've worked hard to regain my old nature after my short relapse into short and cuddly behavior in late April. I think, after some hard reflection, that I'm back in touch with my old aggressive and hostile self, and the owner's arms' reflect that. Comfy (The Meow Cow) also has been working hard to develop a more tough and mean-spirited persona. After being put on a diet last week, she protested by taking a huge crap on the owner's Bible, a truly impressive gesture not only for its sacrilege but also owing to the magnificent size of the cowpie.

As such, the owner isn't too pleased with his felines, and has been volunteering at a shelter caring for cats by the name of Caring For Cats . Not the most nuanced name by any means, and neither Meow Cow or myself appreciate being cheated on.

The owner has already compiled a list of eligible cats with whom he would happily swap us out for, if the dictates of his conscience allowed.

Comfy would be replaced by the haughty Selkirk Rex Suzie Q, a beautiful yet anti-social creature with a pained meow that could curdle milk. Her big blue eyes appear to be constantly on the verge of shooting out of their eye sockets, and her short snout gives her a rather comical facial expression. Not only is she thinner and better-looking than the Meow Cow, she has a better understanding of litter box logistics, something Comfy lacks.















My replacement would take the form of a British short-hair named Tigger, an affectionate orange-haired fellow who loves having his ears scratched and belly rubbed, in sharp contrast to myself.

























Despite these threats, Lucas Tukus isn't going to compromise his principles or his behavior due to any other kitty competition. I'm afraid the owner is stuck with the pair of us until death due us part, the way it should be.