Changing of the Guard

Hello. Lucas is the name, and you'd do well to remember it. I'm Goober's replacement kitty. You can see I share many common traits, such as flamepoint breed, hair and eye color. After that, the similarities between my predecessor and I stop.

I was adopted last night. A bit of a story behind that. The owner (I guess that's what he is; I'm still not sure of his role) saw a picture of me on Petfinder.com in the week before Goober passed on. Right away he knew that I was to carry on the Flamepoint Siamese legacy begun back in the day by Coalsy, and then Goober.

Well, he was all set to pick me up one night, but was told by the Humane Society that I had been moved to a foster home because of an upper respiratory ailment. Everyday for almost three weeks he called the fine ladies at the Humane Society to inquire about my status and whether I had been brought back. You might say he was cyber stalking me! The gals there grew kinda tired of all those inquiries.

Just yesterday I was brought back to the Society, and before I could cozy down and get readjusted the Headmistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties shows up! She starts filling out the paperwork to adopt me, and I'm thinking, "Hey, this sounds okay. I'd be happy to shack up with that."

But then, five minutes before close, the stalker shows up after tailgating several old ladies across St. Paul to get to me in time. Turns out he's the one who is to be my owner! Kablewey! He barely looks at me before forking over his credit card and dragging me home.

So yeah, still got some figuring out to do. Still dealing with the loss of my virility as well, although I'm (literally) holding on to what I still got as best I can! Stomach's a little bit upset from all this commotion, and my cough hasn't gone away completely.

But I got big paws to fill. I can smell (and sometimes see) all the evidence that this house used to be policed by one special fellow, Goober. I'm going to carry on his work, even though I'm still a kitten and got a lot of growing to do. You'll be hearing all about it, so stay tuned?

And, what the hell is a CPA anyways?

The End

Prince, aka Goober, aka CPAcat, aka Big Kitties, died this morning, after about a week of descent. We did what we could to keep him comfortable, with salmon, Whiskas, and canned food - a veritable kitty feast.In his last days I spent as much time as I could with him, reminding him of what a great fellow he was and how much we had been through together. Although he displayed occasional flashes of his old friendly self, it became clear that his time had come, and that after several near-death experiences over the years, he would indeed not be coming back from this one. His last, unpublished blog was discovered, which reads as follows.

"Well, this fella is checking out, but I wanted to say a thank-you to all the folks who gave me such a good ride over the years.

• My first owners: Thanks for taking care of me my first 11 years of life. No hard feelings for dropping me off at the Humane Society as an old, obese man, because if you hadn't I never would have gotten to meet my new owner.


• Lisa I: I forgive you for painting my head green that one time. I know you didn't really mean anything by it.


• Carrie: I forgive you for telling the owner to put me to sleep so often. I know you were just jealous of the owner's affections, which I so clearly was more capable of achieving.


• Becca: Thanks for some nice cuddles. Sorry I made your nose stuffy.


• Stephanie: I know you don't like the owner so good, but I sure enjoyed our time together, especially waking you up at 3 am all the time to remind you that I thought you were a neat gal.


• John and Linda: Thanks for letting me crash at your pad so often, whenever the owner had to pawn you off for a few months. We sure had some nice times together out under the maple trees.


• Kari: I really enjoyed it whenever you stopped by for a visit. Thanks for the Chinese food.


• Collin: That sure was decent of you to stop by and give me one last toke. We sure smoked a lot of bud together, and I never had to chip in once! Although you're not a sentimental guy, I know it took lots of heart to stop by and see me one final time.


• Esi: I sure enjoyed knowing you these past couple months. You're the nicest kitty owner in this hemisphere, and it sure was nice to spend time at the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties. You still have my paintings on your carpet, which I hope you never decide to steam clean over. Too bad we couldn't have spent more time together, but the time we did have was top shelf!


• The Owner: Thanks for taking me in as an old, obese and sickly fellow at the tail end of his years. I know you bitched about how much money I cost you and the extra care I required and the times I got you in trouble, but I never doubted your love for a second (well, except for that one time you stuck me in the bath tub). Please, don't be sad. Go find another kitty and show them the same love you showed me. And don't worry so damn much.

Wow, looking back, I sure got my paws on a lot of fine people!"

Goober will be buried out in Maple Plain with Quinn, Biff, Sonny, Coalsy and Tory, good friends who have moved on to other venues.

End of the line approaching

Hey everyone!

It's been a rough couple of weeks for this fellow, and although I'm doing my best to stay my characteristically sassy and irreverent self, I must admit it's been tough!

The owner took me into the clinic yesterday, one that caters to the pets of the elite and upper crust in the area. Let me tell you, that’s probably the first time a bottom of the bucket working class bloke like me ever made an entrance in there! The two purebred, triangle-headed Siamese who greeted us at the door turned their nose up in disgust, but I felt pride at my ability to still shatter deeply-seated feline social prejudices.

The vet said that my heart rate was out of control, and that in addition my kidneys were probably failing. But just to be on the safe side, she thought it best to conduct $250 in tests! It's a paltry sum to me, but the owner and the headmistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties (who was so kind as to accompany me and provide moral support) didn't think so.
Anyways, I guess I had one more trick up my fatty folds, because the tests came back and showed normal enzyme levels in the kidneys, and only slightly high thyroid activity! Fooled them all again!

The vet suggested iodine radiation treatment for me, which would shrink my thyroid gland and bring me back to normal once I stopped emitting gamma rays. All this, for only $2,000! "90% of my clients go through with this treatment for their pets," she told us.Well, for the first time ever the owner rejected a proposal to spend exorbitant sums on my welfare! Good show, man! I always knew you had a backbone somewhere! Why did it take you this long?

So now I'm just hanging out, eating kitten food and undergoing a new medicine regimen which hopefully will take effect. My motor skills aren't what they once were, which was pretty lousy to begin with! And my appetite isn't so strong either.

But, I think I still got it in me to give the owner one final scare, or at least make a few more dents in his net worth! That's been my job for five years now, and heck if I'm going to let a few failing organs slow me down. I'm still the same disgusting, revolting and completely loving/lovable fellow I've always been, and I plan to stay that way! I still got it! Can't lose what you never lost in the first place!