End of the line approaching
Hey everyone!
It's been a rough couple of weeks for this fellow, and although I'm doing my best to stay my characteristically sassy and irreverent self, I must admit it's been tough!
The owner took me into the clinic yesterday, one that caters to the pets of the elite and upper crust in the area. Let me tell you, that’s probably the first time a bottom of the bucket working class bloke like me ever made an entrance in there! The two purebred, triangle-headed Siamese who greeted us at the door turned their nose up in disgust, but I felt pride at my ability to still shatter deeply-seated feline social prejudices.
The vet said that my heart rate was out of control, and that in addition my kidneys were probably failing. But just to be on the safe side, she thought it best to conduct $250 in tests! It's a paltry sum to me, but the owner and the headmistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties (who was so kind as to accompany me and provide moral support) didn't think so.
Anyways, I guess I had one more trick up my fatty folds, because the tests came back and showed normal enzyme levels in the kidneys, and only slightly high thyroid activity! Fooled them all again!
The vet suggested iodine radiation treatment for me, which would shrink my thyroid gland and bring me back to normal once I stopped emitting gamma rays. All this, for only $2,000! "90% of my clients go through with this treatment for their pets," she told us.Well, for the first time ever the owner rejected a proposal to spend exorbitant sums on my welfare! Good show, man! I always knew you had a backbone somewhere! Why did it take you this long?
So now I'm just hanging out, eating kitten food and undergoing a new medicine regimen which hopefully will take effect. My motor skills aren't what they once were, which was pretty lousy to begin with! And my appetite isn't so strong either.
But, I think I still got it in me to give the owner one final scare, or at least make a few more dents in his net worth! That's been my job for five years now, and heck if I'm going to let a few failing organs slow me down. I'm still the same disgusting, revolting and completely loving/lovable fellow I've always been, and I plan to stay that way! I still got it! Can't lose what you never lost in the first place!
It's been a rough couple of weeks for this fellow, and although I'm doing my best to stay my characteristically sassy and irreverent self, I must admit it's been tough!
The owner took me into the clinic yesterday, one that caters to the pets of the elite and upper crust in the area. Let me tell you, that’s probably the first time a bottom of the bucket working class bloke like me ever made an entrance in there! The two purebred, triangle-headed Siamese who greeted us at the door turned their nose up in disgust, but I felt pride at my ability to still shatter deeply-seated feline social prejudices.
The vet said that my heart rate was out of control, and that in addition my kidneys were probably failing. But just to be on the safe side, she thought it best to conduct $250 in tests! It's a paltry sum to me, but the owner and the headmistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties (who was so kind as to accompany me and provide moral support) didn't think so.
Anyways, I guess I had one more trick up my fatty folds, because the tests came back and showed normal enzyme levels in the kidneys, and only slightly high thyroid activity! Fooled them all again!
The vet suggested iodine radiation treatment for me, which would shrink my thyroid gland and bring me back to normal once I stopped emitting gamma rays. All this, for only $2,000! "90% of my clients go through with this treatment for their pets," she told us.Well, for the first time ever the owner rejected a proposal to spend exorbitant sums on my welfare! Good show, man! I always knew you had a backbone somewhere! Why did it take you this long?
So now I'm just hanging out, eating kitten food and undergoing a new medicine regimen which hopefully will take effect. My motor skills aren't what they once were, which was pretty lousy to begin with! And my appetite isn't so strong either.
But, I think I still got it in me to give the owner one final scare, or at least make a few more dents in his net worth! That's been my job for five years now, and heck if I'm going to let a few failing organs slow me down. I'm still the same disgusting, revolting and completely loving/lovable fellow I've always been, and I plan to stay that way! I still got it! Can't lose what you never lost in the first place!
posted by Now with 110% less odor control at 7:53 AM
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