Zest fully clean

One of the benefits of being really obese and lethargic is no one really much expects you to clean yourself. You've got like a lifetime "Get out of jail free" card for smelling like your litterbox. It's hard to lick yourself when you can only move your head in a six inch radius.

Now that I'm skinny, I don't have that excuse. I still generally smell like a cross between Tidy Cats, baking soda, and excrement. It doens't bother me any, but my owners don't like it. Stephanie says I can't sleep in the bed because I'll track kitty litter onto the sheets and leave my dander everywhere.

I say deal with it, toots. You're the human.

But anyways, apparently this past weekend I was a little more ripe than usual, because I was given a bath. Actually it was more like a car wash. I was thrown into the bathrub, Suave for Men applied to my clumpy fur, and held under the water.

I really thought I was going to die.

I saw my whole life flashing before my eyes. Well, that's not true because I had water in my eyes and couldn't see much.

I looked back at my whole existence. Over 12 years. All of it lying motionary, except to eat and void.

It was glorious.