Pimping ain't easy, so I nap often
My human guy friends never believe me when I say that I could get to second base with any girl, at zero personal expense. And they are always proved wrong and forced to pay their respects to my uncanny abilities.
The average fellow has to take a girl out to dinner, listen to her talk about her interests, and buy flowers and candy, all in the hopes of getting some. But not me.
As soon as any beautiful young lady sees me, they can't help but pick me up and clutch me tightly to their breast as they stroke my clumpy and unkempt fur. I just throw my disgusting obese elderly kitty vibe out there and they eat it up.
I've been with lots of women.
One time my owner was talked into lending me to a stripper, who had recently suffered a rough break-up and needed the type of consolation only I could give. For a week I got to hang out at her place and bask in her adoration. How many guys can claim that?
But of all the girls, Stephanie is by far my favorite. From the first time I sat in her lap and pawed at her face with my litter-encrusted paw, something just felt right. It was like the zenith of feline/human interspecial relations.
Stephanie, you're the greatest girl a kitty could have.
But please, quit locking me in the bathroom with you while you use the toilet. That's just not cool.
The average fellow has to take a girl out to dinner, listen to her talk about her interests, and buy flowers and candy, all in the hopes of getting some. But not me.
As soon as any beautiful young lady sees me, they can't help but pick me up and clutch me tightly to their breast as they stroke my clumpy and unkempt fur. I just throw my disgusting obese elderly kitty vibe out there and they eat it up.
I've been with lots of women.
One time my owner was talked into lending me to a stripper, who had recently suffered a rough break-up and needed the type of consolation only I could give. For a week I got to hang out at her place and bask in her adoration. How many guys can claim that?
But of all the girls, Stephanie is by far my favorite. From the first time I sat in her lap and pawed at her face with my litter-encrusted paw, something just felt right. It was like the zenith of feline/human interspecial relations.
Stephanie, you're the greatest girl a kitty could have.
But please, quit locking me in the bathroom with you while you use the toilet. That's just not cool.
posted by Now with 110% less odor control at 9:04 AM
1 Comments:
update your blog, princeton... you could talk about the night you were fugitive at mom and dad's house b/c stephanie's apt was under inspection and you aren't supposed to be there!
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