If you love something, set it free

It should come as no surprise that I'm nothing like my predecessor, Goober. Whereas he was loving, sweet, and full of positive (although overbearing) energy towards the owner, I, on the other hand, have much different designs. I consider it my job to bloody the owner at least three or four times a day, bite him to the full extent allowed by my feline jaw muscles, and in general cause as much unhappiness as possible.

Case in point. The owner and the Mistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitty recently put me in a harness. I looked much the fool, and jokes were made at my expense about how wearing the glitter-lined harness, complete with lime green leash, made me look like a German S&M worker or something along those lines.

To show my displeasure with this situation, once at the park I refused to take a single step. No one should see me walking around in this silly fetish costume, not Lucas Tukus. So I moved to the first pile of goose dropping I found and rolled around in it real thoroughly, to let everyone know I would not be walked around like some silly miniature dog and have jokes made about how cute and cross-eyed I am. I'm a vicious predator, not a cuddly little rabbit.

A little girl came up to me with her mother, and it was all I could do to not make mince meat of her arms while the little girl petted me. Thankfully, I reserve that treatment for the owner only, and am not promiscuous in term of where I insert my claws.

Please, take the damned harness off of me.