If you love something, set it free

It should come as no surprise that I'm nothing like my predecessor, Goober. Whereas he was loving, sweet, and full of positive (although overbearing) energy towards the owner, I, on the other hand, have much different designs. I consider it my job to bloody the owner at least three or four times a day, bite him to the full extent allowed by my feline jaw muscles, and in general cause as much unhappiness as possible.

Case in point. The owner and the Mistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitty recently put me in a harness. I looked much the fool, and jokes were made at my expense about how wearing the glitter-lined harness, complete with lime green leash, made me look like a German S&M worker or something along those lines.

To show my displeasure with this situation, once at the park I refused to take a single step. No one should see me walking around in this silly fetish costume, not Lucas Tukus. So I moved to the first pile of goose dropping I found and rolled around in it real thoroughly, to let everyone know I would not be walked around like some silly miniature dog and have jokes made about how cute and cross-eyed I am. I'm a vicious predator, not a cuddly little rabbit.

A little girl came up to me with her mother, and it was all I could do to not make mince meat of her arms while the little girl petted me. Thankfully, I reserve that treatment for the owner only, and am not promiscuous in term of where I insert my claws.

Please, take the damned harness off of me.

Cat Scratch Fever

Lucas the Tukus back. I'm taking the day off to recover from my extremely demanding physical undertakings of the past several days. My objective? To kill my owner as slowly and painfully as possible.

Let's see what I've accomplished on this front so far:

1. Scratched owner's face (with emphasis on the lips) while playing on the stairway. He thought he was being all clever guarding his hands with a pillow while playing with me, but I showed him up good by leaping into the air, ninja kitty style, claws outstretched. You can bet that facial wound makes for a lot of funny looks at the office, and tacit questions of "Did you try to kiss some lady and get rebuked?"


2. Inserted all claws their full length into owner's chest one evening, requiring the Headmistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties to go into full-on nurse mode. I sat aside and watched with glee as alcohol was dabbed into each of the little potholes strewn about his chest. Guess he'll know better than to try and put me in my kitty carrier! I'm still hoping he will turn green and learn the true meaning of The Nuge's "Cat Scratch Fever."


3. On same evening, succeeded in climbing tree in park (again) and staying up there for an entire hour. Owner and Headmistress of Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties spent entire time trying to coax, cajole, trick and tease me down from tree, but to no avail! Two MBA students outsmarted by one teenage kitty!

Anyways, finally the Headmistress had the bright idea to grab a nearby trash can, and after several attempts, the owner was able to climb (very painfully) up the tree to where I was sitting, minding my own business. He picked me up, threw me down to the waiting Esi, then almost broke his leg trying to get down himself. Hemade quite a nice THUD hitting the ground on his side, that's for sure. Unfortunately, no bones were broken or sprained in the incident, just lots of scratches, scrapes and annoyance.

I fear the humans may be wising up to me finally. Two conversations came from these events.

1. Get Tukus a harness


2. Get Tukus declawed

How dare they do that, when the fun is just beginning?