This kitty gone gangsta

The headmistress of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties was so impressed by me that she composed a freestyle rap in my honor.

Observe:

Yo kitties in the hizzy
Tip dat Whiskas back now
Putcha paws in the air like you just don't care
Wave them tails around 'cuz you wanna get down
Here we go, here we go, yo yo yo

He a smooth talkin stallion wit a coat like cream
Got some stripes on his head, you know dat flame-point is a dreamLadies swoon at his eyes 'cuz dey deep as tha sea
Some peeps call dat nigga Prince but e'yone know he a G Prince

Got skillz wit da bitches he got skillz wit da boyz
He got skillz wit all da catnip and da fuzzy mousie toyz
Be rollin blunts and talkin crunk and layin down the law'cuz dat playa know he gotsta rule his roost wit iron paw

Now dat cat has lived it rough you know he tough as nails, son
Used ta shoot him up two times a day wit sweet sweet insulin
But he overcame dat need 'cuz yo, he ain't be Andy's bitch
Don't need nothin but a nubby piece o' carpet fo dat itch

Goober hard but mad artistic--yo, he paintin up da place
He a dedicated gangsta lappin Whiskas by da case
Gonna skuttle like a mad cat, watch it now cuz he da best
Gonna put yo DuPont warranty on carpet to da test

He be wipin off his grill on Andy's face at 3 am
He be droppin ass like mad and then he do it all again
He be whinin growlin howlin like a biznitch up in heat
Den he paintin wit his paintbrush dat be winkin in his seat

Prince the master cat extraordinaire--he get to second base
Ev'y time a bitch be seein him she all up in his face
She say "Prince I love you!" den she push him straight into her titties
He be smilin like a hound dog 'cuz dey only one BIG KITTIES

Whiskas something softly in my ear

I've taken to the bottle lately, or more correctly, the milk carton.



I just can't get enough Catmilk in my system these days. From the first instant the owner cracked one open (generously provided by the headmaster of the Theo Wirth Spa for Kitties) I was on the floor (I guess I usually am on the floory, to be frank) lapping it up. So sweet. So tasty. So lactose-free. So flesh-colored.

Within minutes I had put down an entire four ounces of the stuff! And let me tell you, my elderly feline digestive system was took unawares by this Whiskas battering ram on its door. Five minutes I was down in my box, enjoying the after-effects of my treat. I loved it and couldn't wait to do it again!

Here's what's in my Whiskas.

Crude Protein, Min. 3.4%, Moisture, Max. 88.0%Crude Fat, Min. 2.2%Taurine, Min. 0.05%Crude Fiber, Max. 0.4%Lactose, Max. 0.2%

That's right. Only 0.4% Lactose, but chock full of the other goodies a kitty craves, like Taurine, Crude Fiber, Crude Fat, Crude Anything, I'm there!

I'll take seconds on some of that Whiskas action!