Lucas Tukus Announces His 2008 Presidential Endorsement

All the major candidates have been actively courting my endorsement for the upcoming presidential election. While the Tukus normally prefers keeping his political endeavors local and grassroots, it seems this time I've no choice but to get involved.

After much thought, I'm endorsing Hilary Clinton for president. She's a mean-spirited and vindictive gal after my own heart. She's the only candidate I can picture violently slashing someone open with her bare nails, and also the only one with at least one confirmed kill under her belt. Lucas Tukas thinks this is what America needs during these tough times.

The nasty expression on her face reminds me of how the Meow Cow looks when I bite her tail. Notice the resemblance.

Lucas Tukus has Feline Play Aggression Syndrome

Some who have witnessed my supine form in various forms of action have come to the conclusion that I'm a nasty little fellow. But this is not true, you see. I suffer from Feline Play Aggression, or as I like to think of it, Feline Aggression Alternative Lifestyle Choice.

I'm afraid I'm just horribly misunderstood in my choice of lifestyle. When I rake my sharp claws across human flesh, drawing blood and leaving nasty scratches, I'm actually trying to communicate, "I love you and value your company." Some cats might choose to do this by purring or gentle rubbing, but, of course, they have not made the same lifestyle choices that I have. Just because these folks represent the majority is no basis for discrimination against Lucas Tukus and his alternative lifestyle.

"Play aggressive cats will hide behind doors or banisters, crouching and waiting for any movement. They will then spring using both claws and teeth, before quickly fleeing."

Yes, this is all very true. My favorite time to do this is when the Meow Cow is using her litterbox. I then give her a nasty surprise as she gets out!

People who see the owner's mangled arms and hands often comment, "Get that Tukus declawed." But again, they are speaking from ignorance. I'm not just scratching for the sake of being malicious.

I'm actually writing, "I love you, dearest owner" in ancient Siamese script, using his skin as parchment.